Commitment

Commitment. Everyone seems to hate that word because they don't quite understand what it means or what it requires. Commitment is dedication to something, anything. When people get so wrapped up in trying to get someone to commit to them, they forget about other things that they need to commit to, like their family, their goals, and especially, themselves. I know that I am the type of person that will divert my energy into something else for fear of what the unknown might present. While I still need to be committed to myself, I take that energy and invest it somewhere else where it just shouldn't be. 

For example, I have had a lot of issues with beauty and body image throughout my little nine-teen years of life. So instead of me fully addressing them, I divert my energy into my hair, my social life, and most of all, relationships. I get fully committed and submerge myself into all these different things without addressing the serious issues behind them when really many of the things and people I tried committing to were not committing to me equally or at all.

Over the past month or so, I've taken away my weave (or extensions for some readers) which is a MAJOR part of how I present myself and a major way of me diverting my energy to something less important. Because like I've said in the past, I have a complex with me and my hair. I have also been removed out of a setting where my social life will matter (Campus) and I have ended all relationships (or whatever you want to call them) that I have had with people who choose not to commit. By me doing that, I have no other option but to focus on the issues I have not been addressing for such a long time. Hence my working out on a regular basis, super healthy choices in food and motivational tweets. Trust me, they are not for you all. Lol, no offense but it really is to keep ME motivated. I would love to run back to diverting my energy but none of those things are helping me out and so, I have to get rid of them. 

(Not to go off on a rant, but I don't think I told you guys that I still have not reached that damn ten pound mark and it's pissing me off! Things are starting to fit better and I am starting to look smaller but there is NO EFFING BUDGE on that damn scale and I just want to throw it off of the statue of liberty as a sign of disrespect to the Chinese factory that made it. Like, I want to fight this scale. If it had hands, we would be out in the street shooting a not so fair one because I would be fighting with bricks and trashcan tops. Then I would set it on fire. I digress. )

Trust me, it is so much easier said than done. I feel like I'm suffering at times because I don't have those things that I want. But nothing is worse than having everything you want and nothing you need. I just have to remain committed, dedicated, and motivated - to myself.

Thanks for reading ladies and gents <3