Sold Souls

When we think about the idea of "knowing your worth" it is important to understand exactly what that means. For everyone defining this may be different, but for me it is all about understanding your personal value as a human being. My personal value lies within my womanhood, my culture, my education, my personality, my intellect, my family, my spirituality and so on and so forth. When I think about my worth, I think about how I expect people to treat me, in all aspects of my life. If you were to think of yourself as a product, how much would you "cost"? I quote cost because I use the term very loosely. I cannot be bought and I have no monetary value. I am far more VALUABLE than that. By understanding my value, I know that I cannot and will not settle for certain types of treatment, and I will continuously aim for only what I see fit to be a part of my life. Knowing your worth is knowing what you deserve and having the audacity to accept nothing less!

There are so many people, especially women, who are selling themselves short. In the context of relationships, so many have lowered themselves to relationships where they are unhappy or are being treated awfully. Women are sleeping with men for designer bags and make-up. Men are sleeping with numbers of women with no protection and not caring about the consequences. In the context of careers, our generation is accepting their McDonald's checks and spending it on nice shoes and expensive belts instead of using that money to advance their careers. We would rather have a check than have a better quality of life. At work, we allow people to talk to us any kind of way because we see ourselves as “inferior” because of our status or pay grade. We allow society’s standards to dictate the treatment we will accept instead of recognizing what it is that we deserve and defining for ourselves what it is that we expect from the individuals around us. Have you sold your heart, mind, body or soul for less than its value? Are you selling yourself short? Are you settling for less?

For this post, I’d like to mainly focus on relationships. I believe there are more sold souls in the realm of relationships than there are in another other facet of life. Why are we settling? What are we searching for? Where does our true value lie? I ask these questions in order to engage you in this thought process of understand the different ways in which we are settling and selling ourselves short. So why exactly are we settling? Well, I believe it lies in our need to get instant gratification. With a double tap we can know if our crush thinks we are cute or if our #MCM knows we exist. With 140 characters and a DM we can ask a girl for her number and bypass the chase of making her smile and asking her name first. We can express our opinions to the entire world with the very tips of our fingers, with a little assistance from wifi and BAM! It is done. We have grown so accustomed to having everything RIGHT NOW that we cannot even imagine what it is like to actually wait for something. In that impatience, we settle. We take whatever we can get for the instant gratification that it brings. In relationships, instead of waiting for the right person, the guy who’s got everything we want, we rush to the first guy who checks off more than three of the boxes on our checklist. We find ourselves being excited to finally have what it is that we’ve been looking for.

What are we searching for? Well, we are searching for that fairy tale ending of course. We are searching for the guy all of the love songs are talking about or the girl who every rapper is looking for. We are looking for our own personal relationship for someone to idolize as their relationship goals. On social media, the internet and everywhere we turn we are looking at happy couples in their beautiful relationships. We only see the smiles, the fun dates, and the good times and we tell ourselves that THAT is what we need to have. By settling, we attain those “relationship goals”, someone to post our happy moments on Instagram with, and no substance for a long lasting relationship. 

So, if we are settling because of our need for instant gratification and it is due to our search for the perfect relationship, how does any of this tie into knowing our value? Where exactly does our true value lie? Well – when you do not know what you are worth, you will continue to fall for these microwave relationships. When you do not know your worth, you allow societal law to rule your personal life and that sets your goals, not your own personal self-worth. The true value of a person lies in one’s ability to love and appreciate oneself, and to know one's expectations of other people. When you know your value, you know that you want more from your mate than nice gifts and expensive dates. You can decide that you want someone who has the same religious views and personal interests, as opposed to dating men who have no spirituality or practice a faith that you do not believe in (if that is what you prefer). You may want a partner that is active in their community and not someone who parties and finds themselves in a club multiple times a week. Knowing your value means knowing exactly what YOU mean to yourself and what you should mean to the people you allow into your life. Knowing your value means not accepting less than what you deserve in any capacity. So stop settling! Stop letting society tell you that you should be laid up with ‘bae’ and end up letting yourself to settle for the first guy who's willing to accept the title.

In life, especially in relationships, you sell your soul to the cheapest bidder when you settle. I know what it is like to be chasing after the heart of a guy who has no intention of caressing yours. The outcome is never and will never be worth the pictures on Instagram or the warm body next to you at night. As women, we think “Oh, he will come around.” Or “He will see what he has in front of him eventually.” When will we stop waiting for someone else to dictate what happens to our hearts? When will we stop being sold souls trying to find a loan to get our hearts back? It takes so much more to mend your heart than it does to protect it ladies. Protect your personal life from people who do not deserve to be in it. Protect your body from people who only want to abuse your precious gifts. Build a fort around what you find is valuable and only let those who deserve a key to your city entry. Love yourself enough to stop settling, to stop selling your soul to the first person who bids on it, know your worth and only take what it is that you deserve.

Don't be one of those sold souls searching for a loan to buy it back...stop putting a price on your body, heart and soul and start valuing yourself enough to only accept what you deserve. Nothing less.