Stop Losing Faith

"So I encourage you to have more faith, even when things seem to be as terrible as they can get and nothing positive seems to be in your way, know that rainbows only come after the rain and that April showers are the reason for May flowers. "

This summer has been up and down and all around for me. I spent majority of this summer jobless, with my weight fluctuating, inconsistent workouts and all around disappointments. Coming into the summer I felt very defeated and disappointed with some of the things that had happened so getting over those things took me some time as well. I had three job interviews by mid June and I still did not have a job. The interviews were great but for one reason or another it wasn't meant for me to get the job. Feelings of defeat and failure were consistently making their appearance this summer. Not to mention family problems and ongoing issues that I just could not control. It seemed like my summer was going to be the exact opposite of what I had originally planned.

In addition to all of the past frustrations I've had this summer, yesterday I attended a funeral for one of my grandfathers and it was really hard for me. I don't deal with death well at all and it makes my emotions uncontrollable just thinking about it. I can count on one hand how many funerals I've ever attended and trust me, keeping myself together was the last thing I did. Yesterday I think I did a pretty good job at it. My emotions were still out of whack because everything that happened yesterday either pissed me off, made me sad or gave me an attitude. I wasn't dwelling on his passing but I was allowing my spirit to be effected by my sadness. Eventually I got myself together.

At NASAP meeting Vivica A. Fox

SGA and CORE at NASAP Student Leadership Institute

Even though there were definitely reasons to be down, I had a lot of triumphs this summer as well. My fourth job interview of the summer landed me my current job (read my last post about my Nanny Chronicles) and God recently blessed me with a car. I've been to weddings (a straight and a gay wedding), parties, out of state trips, back and forth to Philly with my boyfriend, a surprise birthday party, six flags, and so much more. This week I have an outing or party planned all the way through Saturday night! I even went to Savannah, Georgia for a leadership conference with my wonderful Court of Royalty and Excellence and Student Government Association to NASAP Leadership Institute. There I met Vivica A. Fox and other well know inspirational personalities and speakers. I have definitely had a summer worth bragging about, outside of the negativity.

My summer is clear proof that emotional turmoil can outweigh reality. Emotions can dictate how you feel especially if you let them manipulate you. My pastor always tells us "Do not be manipulated by your emotions" and there is so much truth to that statement. I realized that I was so caught up in my feelings that I lost all of my faith, but once I was able to truly let go of what I was feeling and to have faith that things would get better, my world turned around for the better. I made a picture using the park that I used to run at while I was living in Spain. I put the words "Stop Losing Faith" on it. I chose that setting because that is where I first began to challenge myself to have faith in God and in myself, that I can do anything I put my mind to. Even though I lost that drive these past few months, I was able to gain it back. Because I had FAITH. This picture is a reminder to me to stop letting the world dictate what I can do and to stop allowing shortcomings and the trials in my life hold me back from believing in my abilities. So I encourage you to have more faith, even when things seem to be as terrible as they can get and nothing positive seems to be in your way, know that rainbows only come after the rain and that April showers are the reason for May flowers.